Aging Parents Caring For Their Adult Children With Special Needs

Aging Parents Caring For Their Adult Children With Special Needs The scene is becoming more familiar in communities across the country. An aging parent, usually the mother, weeps bitterly as she is forced to surrender custodial care of an adult child with special needs. After caring for a loved one for fifty years or more, separation can be excruciating. However, the mother is now in her late eighties and experiencing health problems which preclude her from continuing as the primary care giver. Parents of special needs children realize this day is inevitable. Early on in the process a decision was made to keep the child in the home, no matter what the costs. Those costs involve the aggregate total of emotional, financial, and time investments required to provide a loving and stable home environment. Life for the children in these situations is no cakewalk either. Their lives are often characterized by isolation and uncertainty, not to mention being misunderstood at every turn. The "child" in this situation is now approaching sixty and also realizes, on some level, change was bound to happen. Two lives intertwined by an unbreakable cord, must now part according to life's epic design.

With the proliferation of Autism Spectrum Disorders rampant in society, millions of parents will face this scenario in the not so distant future. Although there are differences from past generations, the family dynamic hasn't changed. The fundamental question for parents of special needs children is, "Who will care for my special needs child when I'm unable to or when I die?" In response to that question, the obvious answer would be siblings or some other family member. But upon closer examination, the obvious choice may not be in the best interest of the person with special needs. In an age of blended families and non-traditional marriages, families can be the least desirable place for a person with special needs. Moreover, stability should be the number one priority when making an important decision such as determining place of residence. Family members are not always in a financial position to assume the role of a surrogate parent. Depending on the medical needs of the special needs individual, relocating may not be a viable option for many families in this situation. There are high functioning people with autism or asperger's syndrome capable of living independently with a solid support system. Some parents are purchasing a condo or apartment with the intent of making it the child's primary residence at some point in the future. The greatest advantage in utilizing this strategy is the security of knowing your child will have a place to live when you're no longer around. The fact that you can also leverage your tax position doesn't hurt at all either. The vast majority of people with autism, however, will require some assistance from family or a facility designed to provide direct care. Finances are a major consideration when discussing nursing home or assisted living arrangements. This option usually means qualifying for medicaid since medicare does not cover long term care expenses. Last, but certainly not least, there is the sticky age 65 requirement involved with medicare. That having been said, we come full circle with the issue of growing older and caring for special needs adult children. After all is said and done, we love our children unconditionally and acknowledge the day of separation that is sure to come. Aging Parents Caring For Their Adult Children With Special Needs